These
two Savannah State students — code names "Kobe" and "LeBron" — set off
to do a very difficult thing: sneak into the Super Bowl. Without
tickets. Because, you know, tickets cost like, $1,500.
(How did I know their code names were Kobe and LeBron? Well:)
Upon arriving in New Orleans, their journey began, and they faced
an early obstacle: one million policemen standing around everywhere.
Except, the police had no interest in them — Kobe and LeBron just walked
on past.
When they started off, they were a long, long way from the
Superdome, where the game was held; it's that purply spaceship-looking
structure in the distance.
If you want a one-word answer for how to sneak into the Super
Bowl, that word would be "tunnels." There are many tunnels involved.
The second obstacle our heroes face is when they come out of a
tunnel and a cop is basically like, "What the hell are you guys doing?"
They say they're filming a documentary. The cop goes to check something.
They run away.
This is where we first start to see large amounts of Super Bowl
#branding. That's how you know you're getting close when you sneak into
the Super Bowl.
Where there are tunnels, there are also staircases. This is Newton's First Law Of Sneaking Into Sporting Events
Even after all of this tunneling and staircase-climbing and
cop-evading, though, the Superdome remains so very far away. Sneaking
into the Super Bowl is not for the faint of heart or body.
"Dude, you think we're getting closer?" "I don't know, man, but I
do see this purple light everywhere." (They didn't actually say this,
but I did, to myself.)
At this point, as they near the objective, Kobe and LeBron's feats
start to get more and more impressive. Here, an attendant lets them
into another peripheral building.
But why? Why does that person let them in?
Ah, yes. They're carrying a box. Good reminder here that if you
are carrying a box, people will assume you are carrying it for a reason.
(For your sake, hope they don't assume that reason is related to
domestic terrorism.)
Even after all this, they still seem so far. They seem so far. So far. So far... away.
Except, once you've gotten past a certain point, you can basically
just walk across a huge empty parking lot to get to the Super Bowl.
Also, climb a loading dock. Nice #branding, Mercedes-Benz!
Clearly, the hardest part about sneaking into the Super Bowl is
getting near it. Once you've breached a certain ring of access, the
assumption becomes that you are supposed to be there, not that you
aren't.
And at that point, you just walk into the game —
— and take a seat. This is a great money-saving technique. You
might also get arrested. But if you don't: great money-saving technique.
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